“Nice lift on the elbow campaign,” she said. “But we need a Trauma Funnel by EOD. Client is a vitamin startup. They want users to feel like their bones are quietly dissolving.”
Leo leaned back. He wasn’t evil. He was a Webmarketer. There was a difference. Evil required passion. He just had KPIs. webmarketers
Step two: Identify. The Funnel scraped the user’s micro-expressions via their laptop camera. A woman in Ohio blinked twice, fast. That meant suppressed anxiety. Leo tagged her: Anxious, mid-spend, susceptible to pseudo-authority. “Nice lift on the elbow campaign,” she said
But as he reached his apartment, he realized: he had never once run the Funnel on himself. They want users to feel like their bones
And Leo would be watching.
Leo’s job was simple: make people want things they didn’t know existed, then feel empty when they didn’t buy them. His weapon was the Funnel—a proprietary AI that rewrote human desire into a five-step flowchart.
“That’s not a product,” Leo said. “That’s a phobia.”